Fear Itself (1.6)

Thursday, July 17th @ 10 PM NBC Fear Itself - Season 1 (aka: the only season), Episode 6 - "New Year's Day"

"Predicable and Cliche: Two Words that best describe what show?"

A young woman wakes up in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by horrifying zombies. She must fight the murderous creatures at every turn, right up until the shocking, horrifying end. (NBC.com)

Manatee: I never thought it was possible to f-up a zombie movie till last night.

Marmot: That was terrible. Terrible. The zombie equation is simple: zombies + people trying to survive = entertainment. That's all you have to do. But when you complicate it so that it looks like this: (Z+P)/F X T = garbage.

Manatee: There was nothing good about this episode. In fact it was so bad, I think a brainless zombie wrote it.

Marmot: That equation was (Zombie+People trying to survive) divided by Flashbacks times Twist, by the way. And a zombie probably did write it. Maybe that 12 year old zombie that popped up at the end.

Manatee: I feel like they could have come up with a better twist than they did. But that aside, did the writers know anything about zombies, or have their assistants research zombies?

Marmot: I don't think so. With monsters and such, there are certain liberties you can take - vampires don't always have to be afraid of the cross, werewolves don't always have to be killed by a silver bullet - but zombies can't have emotions. That's the whole point to being a zombie.

Manatee: Exactly. Do zombies target people they hated as humans and enact revenge? And what was up with the "happy Zombie couple" at the end? Do zombies have relationships in zombie world?

Marmot: No! Zombies just want to eat brains. That's all they do. In some movies, like Land of the Dead, they've gotten a little smarter, but they definitely don't understand concepts like affection and revenge.

Manatee: From the limited research I did on Wikipedia, I learned that they rarely have speech or free will, and have limited to no memory of their previous life. I'm all about reinventing the wheel or taking a little creative license but Zombies are a cult classic and it's just wrong to mess it up this much.

Marmot: I couldn't figure out when exactly she became a zombie.

Manatee: My guess, after Kevin (the kid) bit Eddie, he went into her room and bit her and the spider. Because if you notice the night before her pet spider was dead at 4:30 AM, he was alive. Zombie Spider! But if she OD-ed and was dead (Eddie was performing CPR), then Kevin bit her, would she become a Zombie? I'm not sure on that rule. Like with Vampires, you bite a human who is alive and turn them. If she was already dead, and a zombie ate her, would she turn? Or maybe she was barely alive. That's my thought. Why it took her 2 hours to wake up from her zombie slumber, I don't know. Denial maybe?

Marmot: I don't think zombies feed on dead people. Maybe if it thought she wasn’t dead, it would, but usually zombies like the hunt. They're like tigers in that sense.

Manatee: Well someone bit her while she was down.

Marmot: Coming back to the twist in this episode - the reason twists in Shyamalan movies work is that you plant clues for it throughout the movie/episode. GIANT SPOILER ALERT - You believe that Bruce Willis is dead, because when you look back, it was plainly obvious. He was shot, no one could see him but Haley Joel Osment, etc. But in this, there was no evidence for her being a zombie anywhere until we were just told that she was one. That would be like watching all of Men in Black and then at the end Will Smith pulls off a mask and he's an alien.

Manatee: Enough with the Fear Itself twists! You don't need a twist to be good. But what's also of interest to me is that in these shows (specifically this one but also other horror projects) the characters have NEVER seen a horror movie before. Hello, pick up a weapon, or two! Looking back, she was already a Zombie but still, it's like the horror and thriller genre do not exist in their world. I know we're prepared for Z-Day.

Marmot: Wait a second. If she was a zombie, how was she able to carry around a flashlight?

Manatee: Or use a cell phone, or drive a car, or barricade a door?

Marmot: And you're right. We've been preparing for Z-Day for years, and most of that knowledge is applicable to other apocalyptic events.

Manatee: Very useful information indeed. Why do we punish ourselves with such horrendous writing? That dialogue was atrocious. Especially the bar scenes with Helen and James.

Marmot: What the hell were they even talking about? In fact, what the hell was anyone talking about? People kept telling her she was different than anyone else - was she already a zombie? Has she been a zombie her whole life?

Manatee: Maybe that's the case. That's why everyone around her is always dying. And why the old man blamed her for the whole mess.

Marmot: What a stupid episode. I don't think we should watch this show anymore, it's making us stupider.

Manatee: There is nothing talented about this show. I hate to say the DP and Editor are talentless hacks, because I assume that those crappy creative look choices are made by the bad producers on the show and are not a reflection of the crews’ talent. But then again, the look stinks so bad maybe the production value is just so low (and Canadian) you have little choice over the look.

If you like this series, comment below! We always welcome opposite opinions.

Fear Itself (1.5)

Thursday, July 10th @ 10 PM

NBC
Fear Itself- Season 1, Episode # 5 - "Eater"

Officer Bannerman is assigned to watch after the police station with two other officers during the night. Things go routinely until a person is brought into holding, who is supposedly responsible for over thirty "Silence of the Lambs"-style killings. Now, as things go from odd to frightening, Bannerman must determine just who is who because this Cajun killer may be more than just a mere cannibal.

Manatee: Fear Itself was horrible!

Marmot: It was probably the best example of awful, awful, awful television that I've seen in a while. It was so incredibly bad.

Manatee: It was, wasn't it? The story didn't even make sense

Marmot: I feel cheated out of 45 minutes of my life.

Manatee: I'm still surprised though that the make up was pretty good. The serial killer looked pretty creepy. It's too bad the writers aren't as skilled. I need to delete this DVR recording.

Marmot: I'm going to give it one more episode. Thursday is a zombie/apocalypse. If this one is as bad as the others, then an M&M first - we drop a show. Which is pretty spectacular, seeing as how we're only watching 4 shows a week as it is.

Manatee: I know the pickings are slim, but I can’t stand this show.

Marmot: Let's try to clear this up: All the cops were in the building. The Eater was held in a cell downstairs, and then made some kind of voodoo curse, right? So how did he eat the hearts of the cops?

Manatee: I think he was upstairs, but basically yes. I guess his voodoo curse allowed him to unlock the cell, kill the cops (including the one who went home), and then eat their hearts to become them. How he switched back and forth between cops, I don't know?

Marmot: I think once he ate the heart, it allowed him to change into anyone he wanted to, but this wasn't clear to me: how long after eating the heart could he assume their identity? And, why didn't he change into anyone else he had eaten previously? Were these the first hearts he ate? And if so, why now? And why did he want to eat the girl's heart so badly? Did he want to know what it was like to be a woman?

Manatee: They did say he liked to torture the women longer.

Marmot: That's true. And why did she pass up the numerous weapons around the station, like fire extinguishers and guns just to kill him with rat poison?

Manatee: Set Decorator didn't talk to the writer.

Marmot: I think the writers had no idea what a police station was like on the inside. I think they'd only seen one on TV.

Manatee: Sometimes I think the writers on TV don't know anything except what they see on TV.

Marmot: Did you see who wrote this episode?

Manatee: No who?

Marmot: It was two people, one was Jonathan Schaech.

Manatee: Is he mostly an actor?

Marmot: Yeah. He was in That Thing You Do!, which is one of Marmot's favorite movies.

Fear Itself (1.3)

Thursday, June 19th, 2008 @ 10 PM

NBC

Fear Itself, Season 1 - Episode #3 - "Family Man"

NBC

A likeable family man switches bodies with a serial killer during a near-death experience. Now he must keep his loved ones from being added to the long list of the killer's victims. (NBC.com)

Cast: Colin Ferguson, Clifton Collins Jr., Josie Davis, Gig Morton, Nicole Leduc

Marmot: This week’s Fear Itself was the best of them so far, but still kinda dumb. I was disappointed.

Manatee: I hated it. I thought it was called "Face Off" the first time I saw it. And the twist at the end was so obvious. I'm thinking of canceling the DVR recording.

Marmot: The ending was totally obvious. I might keep watching, but I won't be in a big hurry.

Manatee: I think it stinks. I just can't get over how unoriginal the stories are.

Marmot: Nor frightening. This is the same stuff that was on “Tales From the Crypt” 20 years ago, and “The Twilight Zone” 20 years before that.

Manatee: I was thinking that same thing!

Marmot: This episode could have made for a really interesting character study - about what makes a person do the things they do, and what can bring about change in them. Instead, everything reverted to how it was at the beginning of the episode and no one was redeemed, with the good guy actually being punished - for what? It completely falls flat as a morality tale, if that was the intent.

Manatee: If it was a morality tale, they need a new morality barometer in their writers' office. There were no stakes. The main character (Colin Ferguson) was just a good guy and he got thrown for a loop being switched into a killer's body, which I did find interesting. If you try to picture yourself in that position, it’s a pretty scary place to be. But you're right, what did this guy do that he was punished for? He seemed to be so great and likeable.

Marmot: He did nothing. It just completely missed the point of horror. The true intent of horror is to act as a cautionary tale against immoral behavior. That's why Jason Voorhies always kills the sexy teens who are about to do it first, and the nerds who try to protect their friends last. But there's nothing really horrifying about some magical "spiritual transgression" because he did nothing to deserve it. It was just completely random.

Manatee: Maybe someone should mention that to the writers on the show.

Fear Itself (1.2)

Thursday, June 12th, 2008 @ 10 PM

NBC

Fear Itself, Season 1 - Episode #2 - "Spooked"

"Why are you so bad, Fear Itself? Why are you so bad?"

While on a stakeout in a haunted house, a private eye is revisited by restless spirits of those he wronged in the past and now those spirits are set on deadly revenge. (NBC.com)

Stars: Eric Roberts, Jack Noseworthy, Cynthia Watros, Larry Gilliard Jr.

Marmot: Let me see if I understand the plot of this episode: Eric Roberts is a PI. Libby from LOST hires him to spy on her non-existent husband so that an evil house can make him feel guilty for killing her brother? And somewhere along the line, he remembers accidently shooting his brother and him and his father burying the corpse?

Manatee: Basically, yes. That sounds "right." Though I'm not sure I get why/how Libby knew about that house and why/how she thought it would make Eric Roberts go crazy.

Marmot: Maybe she saw it on Craigslist? What I don't get is, what was the deal with the Satan worshippers? Was she a Satan worshipper too?

Manatee: Hmmm... maybe. Did she go to the house with her brother and worship and graffiti self portraits on the walls? Did she put a spell or curse on the house? It wasn't really haunted. It was just Eric Roberts going crazy or being delusional/drunk and remembering his own ghosts. How would she know that would happen?

Marmot: I also don't understand why the dad didn't just tell the truth about the son being shot. Seems like it would be a lot easier to explain "my boys found my gun and were playing with it and it was an accident" than "my child mysteriously disappeared and no, I'm not really all that worried about it"

Manatee: It does seem like that would be the logical choice. Not much about this show makes sense, even though it is so unoriginal and full of clichés: They meet at a diner, he's a PI with a drinking problem, the radio in the haunted house turns on by itself (so Tales from the Crypt-esque) - what's the point of this anthology? Horror is such a great genre to be original in because it's based in fantasy. What's wrong with these writers?

Marmot: Lazy? Next week's episode promised to be mind-blowing. The TV said so, and I'm inclined to believe it, because it's TV and it never lies.

Manatee: I'll give it one more chance, if it still stinks, I'm canceling my DVR recording.

Marmot: Yep. It's taking up valuable space where Under One Roof could go.

Fear Itself (1.1)

Thursday, June 5th, 2008 @ 10 PM

NBC

Fear Itself, Season 1 - Episode #1 - "The Sacrifice"

"Here he is, Mr. Uninventive of the Year." (NBC.com)

Taking refuge in an isolated snow-covered fort, four criminals find secrets, dangers and three alluring sirens.

*Starring: Jeffrey Pierce, Rachel Miner, Stephen Martines, Mircea Monroe, Jesse Plemons

Manatee: I'm just going to say it: Fear Itself will be pulled off NBC before it airs all 13 of its episodes.

Marmot: I hope there are better episodes than this vampire thing, otherwise it will.

Manatee: Last night's episode was such regurgitated junk: Texas Chainsaw meets any vampire anything (Moonlight on steroids?). There was nothing new. It was just a condensed version of a 90 minute horror film without any original thought, idea, or design.

Marmot: It did feel like it was missing about 30 minutes or so from being a complete story, yet I didn't want to watch any more than I did.

Manatee: I think they got their point (?) across in the hour time frame. But if you're going to do horror at least make it imaginative and unique. Something other than what we would predict. Also, this show belongs on Friday or Saturday night at 10 PM. It doesn't exactly attract the same viewers as ER.

Marmot: There was absolutely nothing imaginative about this story. The sisters were somewhat interesting, but I've the mouth sewn shut before - in a student film (not to knock that student). The story's logic doesn't work, though. These sisters could kill dozens of people to keep feeding this vampire, but couldn't find a way to kill the vampire itself? It seems like they would have.

Manatee: Well, they did, sort of. In the end, they burned him down. Maybe it would have been better if Point and Chelsea had actually walked out of the fort together unharmed, and the vampire and her sacrificing sister rose from the ashes unharmed (unless you count vampire-ism) and are ready to leave the fort and take on the world. I guess even that sucks, now that I see it written down. Why couldn't these writers have similar self editing skills?

Marmot: No, that's a much better ending. I just don't understand why they couldn't trap the vampire in the barn and set it on fire before. Also, they said they've never been beyond those walls, but someone set the trap for their car. Who was it? Just big, big logic problems in this story. And while it was technically sound, it really lacked in the story department.

Manatee: I have a feeling next week will only get worse - it stars Eric Roberts.

Marmot: It looks terrible. Ghosts and a private eye?