Under One Roof (1.10)

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 @ 8 PM
My Network TV

Under One Roof - Season 1, Episode 10 - "Handiman"

On this week's new episode of Under One Roof, Calvester finds he has to maintain full time employment or go back to jail. But when he fakes a disability to get a job at a lingerie store, Cali Cal's got to work overtime to keep up the charade. (MyNetworkTV.com)

Marmot: Under One Roof? I don't think there's a lot to say there.

Manatee: There really isn't, is there.

Marmot: Nothing we haven’t said before.

Manatee: My only comment was, why were there so many ex-cons trying to get a job at a mall lingerie store at the exact same moment? Oh and why was the brother taking photos of girls' butts and getting away with it?

Marmot: Every time I've been in a Victoria's Secret, there's always been male ex-cons working there. It's just a fact of life. And the customers always walk around the store, modeling for everyone. Oh, and there's always a creepy guy taking pictures. It's just a mirror of reality, this show. Do you think Under One Roof got some kind of package deal when they bought the sets from Saved By the Bell? Like buy a set, get 2 scripts free? Because I'm pretty sure the plot of this episode was also used on that show.

Manatee: I was thinking they bought this set from The Facts of Life (later years) and changed Mrs. Garrett's shop into a lingerie store. Though I don't doubt that Zack pulled a handicapped stunt like this, maybe more than once.

Marmot: I want to set their ugly house on fire. What was the deal with Su Ho this week? They thought she was stealing, but she was actually just cleaning the jewelry as a birthday gift? What?

Manatee: I know.. That story line made less sense then Cali Cal in a wheelchair. Something that annoyed me last night too was the daughter. She is so over the top dumb, it's starting to get on my nerves

Marmot: It's just now starting? You have a very high pain threshold.

Manatee: I guess I do. I want to jump through the TV and knock her out.

Marmot: One thing that I was shocked at: the mom calling her kids "mulattos". Is that an acceptable term? I thought that was banned or something.

Manatee: I think it's the second time on this show they have used that term. And no, I don't think it is an acceptable term.

Marmot: Who's writing this show? My friend Steve's racist grandpa?

Under One Roof (1.9)

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 @ 8 PM
My Network TV

Under One Roof - Season 1, Episode 9, "Moose Crossing"

MyNetworktv.com

On an all new Under One Roof, Winston's old football buddy is coming to town. But when he shows up, HE turns out to be a SHE! Can Winston take it like a man? (MyNetworktv.com)

Manatee: Take a cue from Ugly Betty, Sex change story lines suck.

Marmot: Yes, they do. At least Ugly Betty handled it with some compassion. This show is like that friend from high school that you see years later after you've grown up, but they're still making the same gay and racist jokes from 10 years ago.

Manatee: I'll tell you this much, I don't know the actress who played Moose but she's a heck of a lot different looking than Rebeca Romijn.

Marmot: You'd think she would have made an effort to change her name to something other than Moose.

Manatee: You would think.

Marmot: I wonder what that actress felt like auditioning for this part. We need you to play an attractive woman, but be passable as having once been a man.

Manatee: I hope they made her say the line, "Get off my booty, yo!" in the audition.

Marmot: Oh, so many great lines in this episode. Like "no matter which way you slice it, it's always there"

Manatee: Gross! I also like the reference to Whohas (sp?).

Marmot: GLAAD and other similar organizations would be all over this show if they knew it existed.

Manatee: I was slightly offended by the unnecessary squirting of whip cream into Cali Cal's mouth last night. What did you think about that bar set?

Marmot: It was awesomely terrible. I felt like I'd seen it before, though.

Manatee: I'll tell you where: stolen from the set of the 1990s high school series, Saved By The Bell, in which 3 pals, Zack, Slater, and Screech sneak out to a dance club to hang out with college age girls.

Marmot: You're right! Under One Roof: where old sets go to die.

Under One Roof (1.6)

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 @ 8 PM
My Network TV

Under One Roof - Season 1, Episode 6, "Blacker the Berry"

For Only $15, this could be yours.

On an all new episode of Under One Roof, the Hills have new neighbors, Brenda and her daughter Jamilia, and Cali Cal is turning on the charm. But when Brenda puts Heather in touch with her "sista" side, Mrs. Hill has to go "black" to get her daughter back! (Mynetworktv.com)

Marmot: Yeahhhhhh boyyyyyyy!!! This episode made me kind of uncomfortable. Which is new, usually I just feel contempt or disgust or shame while watching it.

Manatee: Why was it different? Was it because it was blatantly racist/stereotypical?

Marmot: Yes. That's exactly it. There have been so many shows that have dealt with race before, why this one doesn't take a cue from those and steal their jokes.

Manatee: How would you have played the episode last night?

Marmot: Well for one, I would have actually tried to create a gap between the mom and the daughter, instead of the mom freaking out over her not going to their monthly spa date. I wouldn't feel that like that was enough to make her feel like she's losing touch with her daughter. In the end, I feel like a better ending would have had the mom embracing education of black culture along with the daughter, instead of blatantly mocking it.

Manatee: There was a lot of mocking.

Marmot: The problem with this show is that the characters are so unbelievably flat that its impossible to care about any of them. It's like watching a puppet show. Well, not the Muppets. They were well rounded characters compared to these.

Manatee: I could not believe how terrible the acting was, even as they were mocking the culture. It was just ridiculous and over the top. I was better in my 1st grade play than these people. I agree that you lose feeling for these characters. They are not really characters at all, but just some silly cardboard cut outs of stereotypical family members.

Marmot: The other thing I would have done differently was let Junior hook up with the maid's nympho niece. At least then something would be interesting on this show.

Manatee: It's like watching a bad high school play. they never leave the house; nothing racy happens; and the acting is horrible

Marmot: You're right! Also everyone is weird-looking. Just like high school.

Manatee: And awkward with a bad fashion sense.

Under One Roof (1.5)

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 @ 8 PM
MyNetworkTV

Under One Roof - Season 1, Epsiode 5 - "Oh Brother"

"Flavor Flav grills TO about Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo - this time he's prepared!"

On an all new Under One Roof, Dallas Cowboy’s Terrell Owens is in the house! With the family’s spending outpacing their earnings, Winston invests in a website run by his supposed brother Sean, who shows up one day out of the blue. But is Sean really a long lost relative or a big time con man? Whatever the play, Flav aint buying it! (Mynetworktv.com)

Marmot: This was the best episode so far.

Manatee: I would agree with that statement.

Marmot: I was surprised at how natural Terrell Owens was in his role. He was much better than other athletes I've seen. Like Tom Brady, who sucks at playing himself.

Manatee: Haha. TO had some smile on him. I felt at first, it was a little akward, but then he seemed to ease into it nicely. Overall, the episode seemed to contain more physical humor than normal as well. Maybe better direction than usual?

Marmot: I would definitely say that this episode was the best directed of them all. The blocking felt natural and motivated, which is always a problem with sitcoms.

Manatee: Especially this one! What did you think of the poker game?

Marmot: One thing that left me confused: why didn't they play Texas Hold Em?

Manatee: don't know much about poker... what's the difference in the games?

Marmot: The main difference is that each player is dealt 2 cards instead of 5, and that there are 5 community cards drawn. Whichever player has the best hand between the community cards and the 2 in their hand wins. t's wildly popular now, but the game they played on Under One Roof resembled more of a 5 Card Stud. Not that this show has ever shown any signs of being current or hip.

Manatee: Ah, I see what you mean. Basically all the stories, jokes, etc are from the 90s on this show

Marmot: Exactly. It's like the writers have been in a coma for 10 years were immediately thrust into writing a tv show.

Manatee: I am getting a little tired of the story lines too... since they are the same each week! Con man shows up, cons them, they con back, THE END. What?! Can't there be a different formula each week?

Marmot: Agreed. In the annals of sitcom history, there are at least 5 or 6 different stories that they could poach.

Manatee: There could be a teen drinking episode; Jr. OD's. There could be an episode where Jr. rents out the house to Belbivdevo. An episode where the mom has a mid life crisis and goes to dance classes

Marmot: An episode where the daughter goes to a Boyz II Men concert and invites the band back to the house and they give an impromptu concert. Or an episode where the maid finally gets tired of the verbal abuse and racist comments and quits, finding a new life as a bartender in Iowa. Or an episode where Flavor Flav burns down the house and they have to find a new home and move into the ghetto. Or another episode where the whole family is carried off by a giant chicken hawk. The possibilities are endless.

Manatee: Mine were really all just stolen from Fresh Prince.

Marmot: As were mine! How weird. Especially the giant chicken hawk. One thing I've never really been able to discern is why exactly was Flavor Flav sent to prison? I know that the theme song says that he and his brother were in a car wreck, and he took the blame, but I've never heard of anyone going to prison for a car accident, unless it was a repeated drunk or wreckless driving offense. Unless they crashed into the White House or the pediatric ward of a hospital, I don't think a car accident is a prisonable offense.

Manatee: I get the impression (maybe from the crowd he hangs with) that he has other shady dealings in his past. It's not like he was Volunteer #1 at the Children's Hospital and then got thrown into Jail for nada, only to come out and have to mooch of his bro because he took the fall... but then again maybe it was the White House they crashed.

Marmot: If that's the case, then he's kind of a shitty brother to Flavor Flav. Here your mess of a brother is on his last chance, you crash a car and he takes the blame for it. I think he owes Flavor Flav a little more than letting him stay in the house. A car, job and stipend is probably a little more in order.

Manatee: He must get a stipend - did you see the size of this "Cali Cal" necklace?

Marmot: It's gigantic, but I think it may be filled with chocolate.

Manatee: I hope so.

Marmot: I would also like to know where the brother got $100K in cash. Was it in a safe, or did he have to go to the bank? I would like to think that the sudden withdrawal of a sum that large would raise some red flags.

Manatee: I was wondering the same thing. Do rich people keep cash in a home safe, a pillow case under the bed? Or do you have a business manager who can pull that cash fast for you. Now that we have exposed our naivity about the subject... we obviously aren't rolling in $$. I guess when you have that much dough, you can get $100,000 easily?

Marmot: I would imagine it's hard for anyone to get that much easily. But we are poor, so what do we know. I can't even get $100 easily.

Under One Roof 1.4

Wednesday, May 7, 2008 @ 8pm

MyNetworkTV

“Under One Roof” – Season 1, Episode 4 – “Thug, Jr."

Flavor Flav wakes up from his pleasant dream and finds himself in our worst nightmare.

On an all new episode of Under One Roof, in an effort to get rich quick, Winston Jr. decides to become a gangsta rapper. But his "transition" wreaks havoc on the family. Can a battle with a hard-hitting gangster rapper send him back to his conservative ways?

Manatee: I'm not sure if last night's episode was the worst one ever or the best one.

Marmot: It's impossible to gauge, because it is the worst show ever to be on television. It's like saying "that was the best war we've ever had"

Manatee: Good Point!

Marmot: The scene with the Texans was just humiliating. And naming them "Ewing"? Why weren't they just named Mr. and Mrs. Rich Texans?

Manatee: The jokes are so lame. They are not clever or funny. Did you hear a sort of anti-PC joke at the end?

Marmot: No, I tuned it out somewhere around the 2 minute mark. What was the joke?

Manatee: At the end, Flavor Flav sounded like he said something to JR about being a "dumbass mulatto."

Marmot: I didn't hear that, but he couldn't have said it. There would be some kind of a huge backlash, right? Unless...we really are the only two people watching this show. Which I am willing to martyr myself for the sake of television viewers everywhere.

Manatee: I actual get a kick out of the show. I know it is terrible, but what the heck, for 22 minutes on a Wed night I can say screw it, and watch crappy TV asking myself, Did I really just see that? Hear that?

Marmot: I'm having trouble getting through it. I think it's the set design - it's the brightest yellow that I have ever seen on television. It's like living inside of a banana.

Manatee: Haha. I was wondering about the set myself last night, I did not know "gangtas" decorated in feathers, shag, and animal print!

Marmot: I don't think anyone working on that show knows what gangstas or Texans or ordinary people wear. Or say or do or think.

Under One Roof

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 at ??

MyNetworkTV

Under One Roof, Season 1 - Episode # 3

On an all new episode of Under One Roof, Calvester’s childhood bully is now his new parole officer and plans on making his life a living hell. But when he moves in to the Hill house and makes them wait on him hand and foot, the family must call in a secret weapon. (Mynetworktv.com)

Manatee: Marmot took a little family vacation to the South East, so in Marmot's absence I thought I'd give you a few of my thoughts on TV this week.

The thing about My Network TV and Flavor Flav's new show, Under One Roof is that it gets a lot of interruptions due to local programming, and the DVR won't tape it properly! Maybe this is a sign.

At 10 PM I sat down to watch the show and it started with Cali Cal's parole officer entering to take over the house. I was surprised at such an abrupt start, but I did not think much of it since episodes 1 and 2 have been a little "confusing." At 10:15 PM I watched the screen credits roll, "What a short episode?" I thought. Hmmm... What does it mean that I did not notice that the episode was only 15 minutes long, and I took it's confused nature and lack of story for granted.

Under One Roof

Wednesday, April 24th, 2008 at 8 PM

MyNetworkTV

Under One Roof, Season 1 - Episode # 2 - Cell Out

"Kiss My Pork Dumplings!" (Mynetworktv.com)

Marmot: Speaking of rich people… Watching Under One Roof is painful. Really painful. I imagine the bends to be more pleasurable than watching this show.

Manatee: I did not realize all episodes were going to be about ex-cons visiting this Beverly Hills mansion. I want us to keep a running tab of all the "Gay" Prison jokes! I think this episode was 4.

Marmot: Which would be halfway okay, if it was like on Scrubs, when Dr. Cox calls JD a girl's name. The writers actually kept a list of the ones they'd used.

Manatee: But Flavor Flav is just creepy. Way creepier than Dr. Cox. Even with a name like "Cox."

Marmot: no kidding

Manatee: What do you think of the cast? I think that wife sucks, and the daughter looks about 30 when she's supposed to be 16!

Marmot: The wife is terrible, the son is terrible, the dad is in the wrong show and the maid is just embarrassing.

Manatee: and your thoughts on my fav and yours: Dwayne Wayne (Kadeem Hardison)?

Marmot: Where were his flip up sunglasses? I would like to think this is what happened to his character after A Different World ended. He went to prison and then pulled some semi-elaborate rouse to escape and rob from a bunch of rich people. Which really made no sense. He had the opportunity to make a lot more money embezzling, which wouldn't have been hard, seeing as how those rich gay guys were willing to give him a 6 figure salary after meeting him once. But instead, he holds them up at gunpoint in their underwear? Why did he make them take their clothes off, anyway?

Manatee: I was wondering that myself... but let's be realistic, underwear are sexier! But he did reference wanting to see some chick's booty. The real question is: Why did Kadeem feel it was necessary to gain 75 pounds for this role?

Marmot: I have no idea. Maybe that's what you do in prison to make yourself undesirable. You know, because all that happens in prison is gay rape. Just endless gay rape. Here's another question: Why does the maid always refer to herself in the third person?

Manatee: Hmm.. tough one - because maybe they'd confuse her with another Asian Maid in the house? Why did the writers make her say such terribly racist comments too? Do you think the actress (Emily Kuroda) was like “Wow, thanks for setting back Asian American culture 200 Years”, or like “Wow, that's revolutionary comedy!”

Marmot: I think she was like, "Wow, I'm employed." The writing is just...there isn't even a word harsh enough to describe it. It's unforgivable. Lazy, clichéd, just terrible. It feels like it was written by 13-year-olds illiterates. Listening to the dialogue is like having a dull spoon burrow through your brain. The jokes are terrible, cliched and just dumb. It's beyond insulting or patronizing. I think even the laugh track is embarrassed.

Manatee: It does have a sort of embarrassed laughter feel to it. I ask that any My Network TV Exec out there reading this blog, writes in and tells us WHY they put this series on the air! I can think of a million better ideas than this show. Even if you want it done cheap and to star Flavor Flav. Hire us, this blog is funnier than your show.

Marmot: So are we going to watch it again?

Manatee: I have to admit, I think I'll give it a 3rd round. If for no other reason that to keep the "Gay Prison Joke" Tally going! Total as of now: 9 (+/- 1).

Under One Roof (Pilot)

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 at 10 PM

MyNetworkTV

Under One Roof, Season 1 - Pilot

Why Even Bother?

Flavor Flav stars in a new original comedy on MyNetworkTV. Flavor Flav plays Calvster Hill, an ex-convict that moves in with his wealthy, conservative brother, Walter (Kelly Perine). Calvster subsequently turns the Hill family’s life upside down, parading his old prison cronies through the house; teaching his nephew Walter Jr. to be a gangsta rapper; and butting heads with Walter’s snooty wife, Ashley. (MyNetworkTV.com)

Manatee: I would like to present you with a few questions on last night's episode of Under One Roof.

1) Why?

2) Why?

3) Did MyNetworkTV buy the sets, costumes, pilot script, and opening theme from the 1990 series, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air at a 75% discount?

4) Who made the decision that Walter (Kelly Perine) should play the character gay?

5) What was up with all the man on man prison jokes?

6) Never thought that another sitcom this winter could be worse than Fox's The Return of Jezebel James... I was wrong. (I know this is not a question, but cut me some slack, I spent 22 minutes of my life watching MyNetworkTV last night).

7) Why?

8) And lastly, how, why, in what world do I live, that this show needed an acting coach? (Note: See end credits)