New Amsterdam (1.8)

Monday, April 14th, 2008 at 9 PM

FOX

New Amsterdam, Season 1 - Episode 8 - "Love Hurts"

"This Little Piggy Went to the Fish Market."

"Still recovering from his recent gunshot wound, John and Eva investigate what looks to be the drowning death of a young woman. The victim's death may be related to a string of robberies of wealthy men linked to a dating service. While on the case, John has flashbacks of his life in the 1920s, when he was a grifter and stole a precious diamond pendant from his lover. John also questions if Sara is "the one" who will make him mortal, and as a result, begins to pull away from her. He doesn't want to hurt her by being untruthful about his past and the quest to find his soulmate." (Fox.com)

Marmot: Now that New Amsterdam is finally over, what are we going to suffer through on Mondays?

Manatee: I think I might have a little hole in my heart where New Amsterdam has been. But it will quickly be filled with the return of Gossip Girl next week!

Marmot: How funny, Johnny Amsterdam has a hole in his heart, too. From where a bullet went through it.

Manatee: Maybe I can just fill it. Maybe I'm the one!

Marmot: You need to get to New York quickly. Because as we've learned, the guy hasn't gone further than Queens in 400 years.

Manatee: True, but if it's really me, we'll find a way to get together. I don’t travel so well.

Marmot: That's something I've been wondering. What if he found The One, but she was already married? Or a lesbian? Or what if he never found her because she lived in Seacaucus?

Manatee: I think the answer is simple: It's a TV show, they'll make it work. Though I'm not sure yet what to make of the last scene. Did he break up with the Doctor because they finally realized she is a terrible, unattractive actress? Or because they want to give Season 2 a potential mystery - find another woman (or man) who is the one from the subway or he has to win her back?

Marmot: I couldn't figure out why he broke up with her either. If it's because she kept begging him to come back to bed instead of googling murder suspects, well that's hardly worth kicking her to the curb over. Maybe that's why he is still alive, because he has Seinfeld-like pickiness.

Manatee: I don't know the motivation behind the dramatic pre-family weekend break-up. Cold feet? All I know is that was the best scene of the night: finally breaking up with the douche bag doctor. I mean come on, even at the end she still did not believe he was 400 years old. Though I'm not sure how seriously John took it to prove it to her (besides dying 2X and coming back alive, and having weird Native American blood)... show her the Times Sq. photos, or the old pictures of himself? I mean he must have proved it to other lovers in the past, they believed he was immortal. What would it take to convince you that someone was immortal and not just a con artist?

Marmot: You would think that as a woman of science, she would have at least considered the lack of hits when she Googled him as a possibility that he may actually be 400 years old. He even has Omar to back up his story. And if you can't believe a bar tender, who can you believe?

Manatee: I felt a lacking of effort on both parties' part (John and Doctor).

Marmot: Poor John Amsterdam. Sixty-four girlfriends and none of them are The One.

Manatee: Is that really so bad? Would you prefer to be a 400 year old Virgin?

Marmot: Only if you want to die eventually. I would think that after 400 years, you'd just want to get it over with already. But that brings up another question: can he die? Little things like gunshots and stabbings don't seem to phase him, but what he was decapitated? I hate to geek out on you here, but even Wolverine can be killed if you cut his head off or burn him alive or something like that. If I was John Amsterdam, I would either be trying to off myself or just pretend that the next girl that came along was The One.

Manatee: Interesting idea. What if he put himself in a guillotine? Maybe the blade would malfunction... like fate makes it not happen. Like fate made the bullet miss 2 inches to the left.

Marmot: Ok, what if he was strapped to a nuclear bomb? Or taken into space and then pushed out the window with no spacesuit. These are story lines I feel the writers should explore.

Manatee: It certainly would make it more exciting!

Marmot: For reals. Why isn't he solving crimes in space? There is a huge lack of space detectives on television.

Manatee: You're giving away good ideas!

Marmot: Oh you're right. Let it be known that Space Detectives and all related characters, ideas and ancillary rights are the property of Marmot & Manatee Destroy TV Enterprises.

New Amsterdam (1.7)

Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 9 PM

FOX

New Amsterdam, Season 1 - Episode 7 - "Reclassified"

AKA"Thank God there is Only One More Episode Left"

Fox

John becomes fixated on granting the dying wish of his first partner, Andy, who is slowly wasting away from leukemia caused by a bullet lodged in his heart. Andy wants the unknown shooter brought to justice before he dies, but the case is more convoluted than anyone originally believes. Memories of John’s beginnings as a homicide detective help him not only piece together clues to his friend’s case, but also prompt John to realize he may be nearing the end of his quest for love and mortality. However, he embarks down a precarious path as his investigation leads to altercations with the Russian mafia and culminates with a shocking end. (Fox.com)

Marmot: My name's New Amsterdam, look at me I'm 400 years, old look at me.

Manatee: That's a really good impression! How long have you been working on it?

Marmot: 5 episodes

Manatee: I don't even know what to say about the show last night. What tired dialogue, cliché characters, lame storyline...

Marmot: Crap. It was complete crap. It was so obvious who shot Johnny Soho's cliche of an ex-partner, that I lost interest 10 minutes into the episode.

Manatee: And what an ending... he gets shot (which we saw in last weeks previews) and in the last 30 seconds we see him alive in the hospital... what kind of cliff hanger is that?! I think these writers need to retake Creative Writing 101.

Marmot: I also don't think they understand the concept of creating rules for their world. For instance, if he's a homicide detective, why is he handling hostage negotiation in the opening scene?

Manatee: I was going to ask you that. Don't they have trained negotiators in NYPD? Why even have that scene. It did not seem to fit in with the rest of the show. It did not lead anywhere, nor did it work thematically. Why not just open with him getting the late night call from the old partner's wife?

Marmot: Or even sitting in a chair drinking a cup of water. That would have been just as interesting and possibly a little more rewarding. The best thing about that scene? The half-dozen or so "STATE" pennants all over the kid's room. Let's hear it for creative set decoration!

Manatee: They were all different colors! That must have been hard to make.

Marmot: How many different States was this kid a fan of?

Manatee: At least 3 or 4

Marmot: Let me guess: New York (obviously), Connecticut, Denver and Iowa.

Manatee: I might guess Michigan. More puzzling, how many 9/11 references can you squeeze into one episode?

Marmot: I hate to make light of it, but it's become a cliché. There are a thousand less obvious things that could have led Amsterdam to becoming a cop.

Manatee: It's definitely a serious matter, and it was not treated delicately on this show. It was just thrown out there. You're right, there are a ton of other reasons to become an NYPD cop. For example, you are tired of being a carnie (did I mishear or did he mention that he was a carnie at one point?)

Marmot: If he did, I missed it, but that is a flashback I want to see. I wish we could watch this show from the perspective of the people around him. Like his partner, who is probably constantly searching for another job when she's not working or his son, who no doubt curses the fact that his dead looks 30 years younger than he does and won't leave him alone.

Manatee: It's an interesting thought to switch it around. I would like to see it from the Sarg's perspective... "Purple pumps don't go with my badge." Did you see in the preview that Amsterdam throws his badge at her?! And calls her something like little miss sunshine... Maybe, with any luck, the badge will be thrown at the exact angle and speed required to puncture her jugular and kill her.

Marmot: There is no way that would ever happen. The gods of TV are not that merciful

Manatee: Hmm... Maybe they can bring back the world's worst assassin (who apparently thinks it is ok to shoot you in the shoulder to kill you) and they can bruise her up a little. Or those 2 cheesy masked guys who were a part of the worst fight sequence ever on TV. "And the Academy's Award for the poorest choreographed fight scene goes to... (open envelope, drum roll)... New Amsterdam, Episode #7."

Marmot: What kind of assassin misses at point blank range, doesn't wear a mask and leaves an obvious witness? Why is everyone on this show inept?! The doctor, the Sargeant, the killer, everyone!

Manatee: Don't forget, the writers, actors, producers, and directors.

Marmot: The only competent one is the dog. And he looks like he wants out more than anyone else.

New Amsterdam (1.6)

Monday, March 31st, 2008 at 9 PM

FOX

New Amsterdam, Season 1 - Episode 6 - "Legacy"

When police find a bullet-ridden body in an apartment in Chinatown, John and Eva are called to investigate. The deceased young man's striking similarity to Roosevelt, a lost son of John's from the early 1900s, prompts him to take a personal stance on the case. The search for the killer leads John to the Spoors, a violent crime family headed by Roosevelt's kin. The discovery makes John question the actions of his past and the reverberating consequences they have on those around him. (Fox.com)

Because there just wasn't anything funnier. (Fox)

Marmot: It's such a clumsy show.

Manatee: It really is. My first thought was how does his son from 1930 look exactly like this other kid, who he may or may not be related to?

Marmot: Indian magic, of course. It flows through his blood. I was really confused by the family in this one. The kid who died was the grandson of the old man in the wheelchair. John "Dutch" Amsterdam-York was supposedly the old man's grandfather. But I thought the brother of the victim said that his great-grandfather (Amsterdam) was a painter and left his family. So he should have said "great-great grandfather". Or did he and I just missed it because I was busy not paying attention?

Manatee: Hmm, I will have to draw a family tree for this one... which would require that I put in effort for this show. The wheelchair guy may have been their dad? Then the great-grandfather would have been correct.

Marmot: No I think the old man in the wheelchair was their grandfather. Whether it was the grandfather, great grandfather...it's just super-confusing. I think the show is going to exhaust its believability soon. I mean, how far can I guy run away from his family in 1913 without leaving New York?

Manatee: I think you are right. Also they need a better writer's asst or supervisor because too many mistakes are made, and their math sucks! It's great that the production designer made a "family tree" for Amsterdam, but how about one for the writers?

Marmot: I would like to think that they planned his whole life before they started writing, but I somehow doubt it.

Manatee: I'm sure each week they sat around and said what cool job can he have this week? Furniture maker? Artist? Doctor? and so on.

Marmot: Yeah, there's no consistency on this show.

Manatee: I know we have discussed the flashbacks in great detail before, but this week was particularly frustrating as it worked on 2 levels. How can 1 flashback relate to 2 different, totally unrelated issues in his life at once?! 1-The dead kid is his relative, and he must flashback to remember the Family Tree to relate to this week’s murder. 2- He also cheated on that son's mother and his new girlfriend wants to know if he cheated. How convenient that both unrelated issues in 2008 were in the same week in 1913! Also, if you were 400 years old, how good is your memory? My grandma's is not so good at 89. Nor can I always remember what happened a few years ago. How can he have such vivid memories from hundreds of years ago!? So much has happened to him, shouldn’t he have forgotten some stuff... like 1730-1790 or 1801-1815?

Marmot: Well, I have trouble remembering things that happened to me last week. Given that I am approximately 1/12 as old as he is (in marmot years), he should be forgetting on a 4th grade level. Wait, I think my math might be off.

Manatee: You could be a writer on the show then!

Marmot: I should be. Get me Dutchie Amsterdam on the line! Something else I really hate about this show is Blonde Sargeant. Are they sure that she's their boss and not some crazy woman who just showed up one day and started pretending to work there?

Manatee: I know - what was up with that "Partners are like married couples but without the sex" line? Why is she on this show?

Marmot: She's like that girl in an office who doesn't really work, but just walks around all day and makes a bunch of suggestive comments in an attempt to get someone to talk to her. Every office has one.

Manatee: I hate to ask? But which one of us is it in our office Marmot? Haha. What was up with the ending, where the Dr. Girlfriend just shows back up?

Marmot: Dr. Girlfriend is kind of an idiot. I would be frightened if she was my doctor.

Manatee: Never move to NYC, you run the risk of ending up in her ER.

Marmot: No kidding. First, her idea of a background check is Googling her boyfriend's name, then she doesn't consider that he might be 400 years old, even though that's what the show is about, then she straight up asks him if he's ever cheated before and just decides, "eh, what are the odds that he'll do it again?"

Manatee: Well, at least he isn't married!

Marmot: One last note about this show, and I think it's a big one. John Amsterdam is a boring character. A good character is flawed; they have internal problems that they struggle to fix. In most of his flashbacks, we learn things about him that make him inherently more interesting: he was an adulterer, murderer, coward, alcoholic - but all of these occur in the past, so the character we are watching - one who has atoned for his sins and is not literally waiting for death - is not very interesting.

Manatee: That's an outstanding point. I think you hit the nail on the head.

New Amsterdam (1.5)

Monday, March 24th, 2008 at 9 PM

FOX

New Amsterdam, Season 1 - Episode 5 - "Keep the Change"

"Quick, must... add... name... into Google Search." (FOX)

Marmot: Blonde Doctor: What's your real name? / John Amsterdam: John Amsterdam / Blonde Doctor: That's made up. / John Amsterdam: ... / John Amsterdam: You are.

Manatee: Your script would have made for a more compelling hour of TV than the one that aired last night.

Marmot: What was that that we watched? What a garbled mess.

Manatee: I know. Now that the series is winding down, I feel like last night's episode asked too many more questions than it solved. But not good questions, messy logistical ones. Maybe they hope that's what will save them for a season 2. I hear the buzz is pretty good to consider it for a 2nd season.

Marmot: Question #1: If he fathered 63 children over the course of 400 years, that is one 6 years or so, if you assume they came at regular intervals. Which would mean that given the average life span of 75 years, he would have 12-13 living children. If that's the case, why does he only talk to Omar?

Manatee: That is a great question. I did not really do the math on that one. Someone in the writer's dept is dropping the ball on the bible. Shouldn't someone keep track of this info? I think next week, another son pops up. Though in the flashbacks, I got the sense that he sort of just leaves his families instead of telling them the truth, that's why there was that long drown out scene with Omar as a kid. Him facing his "Demons."

Marmot: So has he not fathered a child since Omar? I mean, if he has, this guy doesn't really learn his lessons. And here's another thing: if his current identity is only about 5 years old, who is doing the background checking at the NYPD?

Manatee: He fakes his own documents remember?! I don't know how great of an argument that was – a Google search. Sure we all do it to our dates, friends, family...but my name only comes up in a few databases. I think it was a bit of a leap that she freaks out about a Google search. If she went to the hall of public records, she'd see he's owned that loft for 300 years!

Marmot: A Google search? Don't they teach you to be a little more resourceful in med school? If I Google Marmot, all that comes up is camping gear and a Wikipedia page. Does that mean I don't exist?

Manatee: That's a deep question, one for another conversation, haha! But you're right, she is a doctor. Does she not have better resources? My big question from the night is this: how does this fate/destiny/true love thing work for John? They've already met, he's had a heart attack and lived, they've slept together, gone on a date... did I miss something in the pilot? When does he become mortal? Do they have to have some kind of "I love you" talk? It's definitely a cruel curse... how do we know that she will love him back? Or is that built into the definition of true love, that it's mutual? Could he miss his true love? I suppose anyone could be his true love, any of the mothers of his 63 kids, and then some. But the heart attack gave this one an edge. Should finding her be easy? Making her love you, should that be easy? Do you have to work so hard at true love? Generally you want true love to be happy, but you can live with or without it. You still die all the same. But he needs to find her to die. Or is it to be mortal? And when will that happen? When will we see him tempt fate, get hit by a train, and actually die?

Marmot: That's something I've been wondering about, too. The logic doesn't really work here. If they have to be joined or whatever for him to become mortal, why does he have a heart attack when he passes her in the subway, but gets a grey hair when they are at their most intimate? True love is such a vague idea anyway. What makes Blonde Doctor more special than Omar's mother or the 15 year old girl from last week? And of course, in fairy tale world, true love comes easy, but in real life, it's the hardest thing you're going to do, relating to someone for the long-term. So what if he marries Blonde Doctor and then makes an off-hand comment about her mother, or consistently leaves the toilet seat up. Is that a deal breaker? Does he go back to being immortal?

Manatee: I don't get their "relationship." In bed, he says “trust me” to her, just because the douche bag you were about to bone tells you to trust him, you should?! Obviously she thinks better of it. And the end is weird... he has told other people in his life that he is 400, with 63 kids, etc. Like Omar's mom (right?) and maybe a few other women? Why is the doctor giving him such a hard time! She made some dumb comment about needing hard evidence or proof since she is a woman of science.

Marmot: Blonde Doctor is kind of a ridiculous character. She sleeps with a complete stranger while separated from her husband with no problem. Then she gets a little weary about it, and decides to Google his name, gets upset that he isn't on the web, and takes that at face value. But when he opens up and tells her something that frankly, given everything she knows about him is completely plausible, she doesn't believe him. Why is Google more reliable than the source? She also needs another name than Blonde Doctor, but until I think of one, that's what she's being called. Thanks, Scrubs.

Manatee: How about Blonde Sargeant? OMG, she (Susan Misner) was so bad. I am not a fan of hers. She had a role on Gossip Girl this year, and I could not wait for her arc to be over! Are there only 40 actors in NYC to pick from? Stop recycling the same people! Put someone decent on a plan from LA to NY.

Marmot: Why is Blonde Sargeant spending most of her working day trying to talk to Johnny Bronx's partner? I appreciate that this isn't the typical gruff with a heart of gold police Sargeant, but she looks to be about 5 years younger than those working beneath her. At least you can believe Robin Weigert on Life. Mostly because she behaves as a cop.

Manatee: I know, I could not tell if she was joking with the partner, or trying to be serious. But I think we could do without her for sure.

Marmot: I think the NYPD could do without her as well.

Manatee: Which opens another question for me, why does this show need the NYPD at all? I know we have touched on this before, but the detective stories are so boring. They need more jazz, action, something. I like the character/personal stuff ok, but we don't need more cop shows. Why couldn't he be a street performer (a mime?) in Central Park? Or a nanny? Or a city council member? Something new that I have not seen before on TV in NYC.

Marmot: Or a hot dog vendor by day who solves crimes by night.