Canterbury's Law (1.1) and New Amsterdam (1.3)

Monday, March 10th, 2008 at 8 PM

FOX

Canterbury's Law, Season 1 - Pilot

FOX

Marmot: Well, Hello!

Manatee: Hello. I hate this show already. She's sleeping with the client!

Marmot: Juliana Marguiles has slept with EVERYONE on tv. Zach Braff, George Clooney…

Manatee: Now this guy... (Insert sacastic tone here) whoever he is. This is starting to remind me of The Practice (Pre Boston Legal days)... I think they use the same set and the same cast with a bit of plastic surgery.

Marmot: I remember reading this script a year or so ago

Manatee: How does it compare to this production?

Marmot: I actually imagined Juliana Marguiles while reading it

Manatee: Well, she does have a producer credit. Obviously tailored to her.

Marmot: I think I liked this show better when it was called Ally McBeal, and she was more likeable. And played by Calista Flockhart.

Manatee: Haha. I don't even know what's going on!?

Marmot: Do you think the dancing baby will show up?

Manatee: Guaranteed, in act 3.

Marmot: Sweet. I'm kind of lost too.

Manatee: Who is that weasely guy following her? (its Ben Shenkman)

Marmot: He's Mark Weasel, Weasel for hire. This is a show that Dylan McDermott should have been on.

Manatee: He was.

Marmot: Oh yeah

Manatee: Before Ally McBeal, this was called The Practice. Is David E Kelley a producer on this?

Marmot: I think it was called LA Law at some point too. David E. Kelley isn't, but did you see who was?

Manatee: Who?

Marmot: Denis Leary.

Manatee: Shouldn't it be funny then?

Marmot: I was expecting some biting sarcasm, yes. But instead, we're watching Nurse Hathaway's Big Move. You know what she was good in? Snakes on a Plane. That, Manatee, is a fun movie.

Manatee: She was in that?! I liked that movie. Sam stole the show.

Marmot: She was the main flight attendant.

Manatee: I'm sick of these shows, where the woman is supposed to be strong, and all that comes across is some chick who acts like a man. She sleeps with her clients, she walks into the men's room unannounced, ridicules cops on the stand, and then still can meet her husband for dance lessons. What's wrong with having a strong female character that actually acts like a woman?

Marmot: I know. I think that human males would freak out if one of their females came into the restroom. Being a marmot, I have no idea about these things.

Manatee: Naturally neither do I, being a manatee. Als0, this cast is not very compelling.

Marmot: I like Ben Shenkman. He's like a poor man's...that guy from Journeyman. What was his name? Not Journeyman, but his brother

Manatee: I did not spend a long time with that show!

Marmot: Oh you should have. He went back to just about every year since the 70s

Manatee: We would have had a lot to destroy, I'm sure. Your thoughts on the technical? I'm not a fan of this cinematography - it's choppy and the color scheme is weird and throwing me off.

Marmot: Its shot really strangely. Oddly composed. Julianna does a lot of yelling on this show.

Manatee: Watch for the next scene (in the law firm), there is a pink sweater involved (on a guy)!

Marmot: Why hasn't anyone addressed the pink sweater? It's the elephant in the room

Manatee: (Moving onto the next scene: Lawyers called to the scene of the crime, a crime I have not been able to follow along with) Sassy cop insert here.

Marmot: See? She does admits to doing girl stuff, like throwing poorly. The bone they found could belong to the victim. Or it could belong to a dog. Did she think about that?

Manatee: It could, or another guy that was killed by the killer.... who is the killer again?

Marmot: The guy in the pink sweater, of course.

Manatee: Right, only a killer would wear pink.

Marmot: He's like a really poor man's Adrien Brody (Ben Shenkman)

Manatee: I still don't understand his role in her firm.

Marmot: I think he's Michael Clayton

Manatee: They fight in the hall, the office, but yet sit at the same table in the courtroom.

Marmot: They also fight in the bathroom

Manatee: Girly moment, Personal time with her husband at home, man does Aidan Quinn look bad.

Marmot: I like her husband's reassurance: "You should feel good about your lying, honey. You're really good at it."

Manatee: Nice "pep" talk. Ah, now with her client, I think this kid will hang himself (might make the show more interesting)? And her fight will be for nothing! Is she doing this for free, or for a large profit? They have not really addressed that. Is she really crying? Unbelievable.

Marmot: Nah its CGI. This guy is the poor man's Robert Redford (the PI, turned Client, turned lover).

Manatee: Oh my GOD! She needs someone to stop her from feeling "numb." Who wrote this?!

Marmot: I thought this was a Raymond Chandler novel for a second, when the guy came in with the fedora.

Manatee: haha

Marmot: Why did he call Ben Shenkman a feckless puppet? Whats a feckless puppet?

Manatee: That guy! Did you see Damages?

Marmot: No

Manatee: Well, Glenn Close plays this role much better, and the writing is more complex. She plays a strong female role, though as a lawyer she is ruthless, cold hearted, and just plain mean. You see her motivations, and can even understand them, even if you are not going to act the same way yourself. I buy her act.

Marmot: More complex than, "if she does it, she does it for her clients"? I don't know, the bar is set pretty high.

Manatee: (Back to the jail, and the accused) Don't you usually prep the witness before putting him on the stand?

Marmot: Why would you? Let him wing it. You get the funniest stuff out of improv sometimes.

Manatee: (Sarcasm) That's what you want in the courtroom.

Marmot: Uh oh, curveball; (mocking the actors) no, "this is the truth!"

Manatee: The truth is, this show sucks - Get it off the air!

Marmot: haha. What's the difference between objection and sustained on tv?

Manatee: They always seem to have the same effect.

Marmot: Juliana Marguiles is a smuggggggg lawyer.

Manatee: What did she just prove?

Marmot: That she knows science? What science fair project gets a write up in the newspaper? Must have been a really slow news day. OMG is this the Matlock "confession on the witness stand" moment?

Manatee: Shouldn't there be an objection here?

Marmot: (as Canterbury gets punched by the witness) HOLY CRAP. I did NOT see that coming!

Manatee: Marmot, they set up that hit 30 minutes ago.

Marmot: I should have been paying closer attention.

Manatee: Remember Jasper cornered her in a basement hallway.

Marmot: Sort of.

Manatee: I know, it feels like an eternity ago

Marmot: I want that surprise stricken from the record. Hows that for lawspeak?

Manatee: (Back at home, after a long day at the office) She drinks like a fish!

Marmot: Like a drunken fish. She's looked like hell the whole show. Why is he [her husband] just now commenting on it?

Manatee: Reveal: Wow, she has a dead son, that is why she is having husband problems, and sleeping in her dead son's room.

Marmot: That's just a little weird

Manatee: That explains the whole show, and gives her a heart! (poop) But wait, she killed her son!!!! Guess we'll have to wait till next week....

Monday, March 10th, 2008 at 9 PM

FOX

New Amsterdam, Season 1 - Episode 3 - "Soldier's Heart"

FOX

Manatee: Moving on to another crappy fox show - New Amsterdam... ok, let's destroy!

Marmot: What's the dog's name again? Do you think Johnny New York looks at all these young people and thinks, "I had sex with your mom"?

Manatee: Gross.

Marmot: I bet he does.

Manatee: OMG, is that Orlando Jones?!

Marmot: So that's where he went...

Manatee: He's the best actor ever! I hope they make him a regular.

Marmot: His character MUST be crazy, he's saying crazy things.

Manatee: And is dirty.

Marmot: The hot dog vendor is wearing a "Cosby" sweater.

Manatee: Good call.

Marmot: (on bringing Orlando Jones to the hospital) What does this have to do with a guy who is 400 years old?

Manatee: Good question, but it brings the ER doc back in though. Is she the one?

Marmot: She is "a" one, but maybe "the" one.

Manatee: But does she make his heart stop?

Marmot: Only season 2 will tell.

Marmot: She looks different though; did they recast?

Manatee: Younger. Botox?

Marmot: How is it that his son is wiser than he is? I thought he knew everything.

Manatee: He's a bartender, that's his job - give advice and be wise

Marmot: I wonder if Johnny Amsterdam was a bartender ever... He's bringing his partner along on the stalker mission?!

Manatee: I know, what's up with that? And she doesn’t question till they are at the house, parked for a good 10 minutes.

Marmot: Why don't cops ever talk in complete sentences?

Manatee: Is it cops, or TV Cops?

Marmot: Well, TV cops. I don't know how real cops talk.

Manatee: It's how a TV writer thinks cops talk. (Like "let's stop for donuts.")

Marmot: "10-4, I've got an eye on the perp; take him down!" They're totally gonna make out in the hallway (re: doctor and John at the hosiptal).

Manatee: WOW! She does not even recognize him as the John Doe?! Moron.

Marmot: "I have one of those faces." One of those faces that dies and then walks out of the hospital? Well, she's not the detective here.

Manatee: PS: How was he a John Doe? Didn't he have his badge on him in the subway (ep #1)? Or at least some ID - he is a cop.

Marmot: Maybe Doe is an another old name for New York.

Manatee: He was chasing a perp (10-4) when he passed out.

Marmot: (re: Flashback to Civil War) Bad flashback facial hair - WAIT - (Back to the hospital) If she's The One, how come he didn't die? Or have a heart attack?

Manatee: Good point, maybe she is not the one... hmmm....

Marmot: You'd think he would have realized that... he is a detective after all...

Manatee: (re: Police Station talk) John refers to the "Myth of fingerprints"? Are we challenging science now? or just trying to raise questions , dumb questions?

Marmot: Why does he seem so skeptical about everything? I thought he knew all. It took her long enough to realize he was the corpse that walked out of the hospital.

Manatee: She's dumb for a doctor!

Marmot: She looks different in the flashbacks.

Manatee: Botox! (And curly hair)

Marmot: This part would have gone to Kim Raver. If this were a better show.

Manatee: I can see that. But I'm not a Kim fan either.

Marmot: Nor am I. Audrey Raines...sheesh. This scene with Orlando Jones needs some 7Up! Was the he was questioning Orlando Jones in a jail in the back of the bar? It looked like he walked from one to the other.

Manatee: He gets around.

Marmot: Define irony: Bashing someone's head in with an award they won for helping you.

Manatee: I don't think he did it.

Marmot: I'm surprised. Orlando Jones is actually good, dramatically.

Manatee: I actually really like him. Maybe they'll give him meds and he can become the new sidekick.

Marmot: That would be awesome! L O S T flashbacks vs New Amsterdam's: the flashbacks on LOST are complete scenes not just awkwardly intercut with other scenes. That's why they work. You know when youre going into one.

Manatee: I know what you mean. The clips don't work, nor do those mutton chops.

Marmot: (re: Old time photo) Do you think he places the items around him before he has flashbacks ? Like digs up the relevant souvenirs from his life and then puts them at a perfect contemplative staring angle?

Manatee: I think it's a crappy way for the producers to transition from current to old times.

Marmot: How come he doesn't have an accent in the Civil War, everyone else does?

Manatee: Maybe he could not get the accent down.

Marmot: i love Find It.it's such a useful website - you can find anything you need, hence, find it (re: Fake Search Engine)

Manatee: Theme on Fox tonight: feces

Marmot: I dont like the random handheld and wild zoom; it's so unneccesary. Especially during the Civil War. (Food Market: A Place to Buy Food).

Manatee: Wait, I'm lost. Are they still accusing Orlando? Or is there another party involved here?

Marmot: I think the watermelon that he's holding did it. What's that film festival?

Manatee: Product Placement.

Marmot: The flashbacks are so obvious. Probably because he sets them all up with "it reminds me of this time when....WHOOOOOSH"

Manatee: Why do you need flashbacks? I don't think they help.

Marmot: I like that we've seen what he's been up to his whole life, but he only does great things. I mean, did he spend time working at 7-11 in the 80s? These are things I'd like to see.

Manatee: If you lived 400 years, you'd only do good too.... more time to get it right, plus on TV you can leave the mistake years on the cutting room floor.

Marmot: True, I'd like to see the mistake years.

Manatee: Me too. Porn star?

Marmot: This girl he's talking to? She could be, I mean she's got the-

Manatee: No another mistake year!

Marmot: Oh yeah, that would be great, Amsterdam '75. This girl has some blue eyes. She looks like an elf from Middle Earth.

Manatee: Why in TV cop shows do the witnesses always just walk away when they think they are done talking? Never say good bye or anything

Marmot: So impolite, tv witnesses. No awkward ending to the conversation, no "Sooooooooo"'s.

Manatee: And why is that balding cop always wrong about the bad guy and Amsterdam always right? You'd think he'd learn.

Marmot: Duh, he's bald.

Marmot: John Amsterdam is a poor man's Jason Bateman. Except not funny.

Manatee: How does this flashback relate to the confession of this weird guy no one cares about?

Marmot: Why does the Amish guy in the past keep looking at him like that?

Manatee: You know who should be on this show, Mel from the Flight of the Conchords.

Marmot: Have you noticed that in every episode there's always some scientist teaching him.

Manatee: That's why he is so smart.

Marmot: That is a disgusting story they're telling about the baby.

Manatee: Fried baby...

Marmot: If someone found out she was writing a book, they would ask to read it. (Upon the discovery of the hidden book) Her book is like 30 pages long! Is it a children's book? This show just makes me long for "Life."

Manatee: Soon enough, Marmot, soon enough.

Marmot: (re: Hospital exam) They're gonna make out! Is this scene necessary?

Manatee: NO is the answer to that question

Marmot: (re: Amish guy in flashbacks) He's self-publishing in the 1860s? The world's richest Amish. OHHH it's not an Amish guy, it's Walt Whitman! Of course!

Manatee: "In 1855 Whitman published at his own expense a volume of 12 poems, Leaves of Grass, which he had begun working on probably as early as 1847. It was criticized because of Whitman’s exaltation of the body and sexual love and also because of its innovation in verse form—that is, the use of free verse in long rhythmical lines with a natural, “organic” structure." (Wikipedia)

Manatee: That scene was supposed to be in 1862! Skip to the present, WOW! Husband! Doctor has a husband, should have know. The good ones are always taken.

Marmot: WOW no kidding. That was not the medical exam of a married doctor.

Manatee: That's for sure

Marmot: So what have we learned tonight Manatee?

Manatee: Fox likes crappy law and cop shows. My DVR is full of junk.

Marmot: Johnny Amsterdam is the Forrest Gump of the past.

Manatee: Very insightful

Marmot: The Single Female Lawyer of the 90s has grown up and is now Married Female Lawyer.

Manatee: and a slut

Marmot: and an alcoholic

Manatee: and she killed her son.

Marmot: Who knew that's what was going to happen to Ally McButter?